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The Damsel of Dreadful Decisions
More than two decades has the damsel been upon this earth. During the many years she was known to the king as Ice Princess, Shadowspawn, or (in days long since past) daughter. Now she is under a pall which was cast upon the lands where the king has built his new castle by a great evil.
Not since the day when she was called daughter and decided that dropping out of college and marrying he who was once called ‘dead-end boyfriend,’ has such a pall been cast over the dominion of the king.
The one who used to be called ‘dead-end boyfriend’ has now dropped the honorific from his name and the title. It remains to be seen what he shall be called. However, he assisted in decision that wracks these lands.
Let us go to the beginning. It was not the beginning there is neither beginnings nor endings… wait, wrong story. After the Damsel of Dreadful Decisions had left the university (where the King was providing all kinds of resources toward) and gotten married, she produced Baby Blaire Booger nose. A few months of struggle at this time made it seem that she was intent upon losing that title.
She returned with all of the Dreadful Decision Brood to the King’s castle. The king, being a generous and patient sort, gave them a wing unto themselves to let them figure out where next they would go in life. Six months later, the one who was once known as ‘dead-end boyfriend’ decided that he would join a maritime community. Only it took him thirteen months to become admitted to said community. It may be because He joined the maritime community in a way so that he did not have to leave dry land. But that is a tangent and unrelated.
During this time Baby Blaire Booger Nose learned from the king. She learned of the ways of cleaning magic so foreign to her mother. She learned of the ways of positive attitude, smiling, and playing; all concepts foreign to her mother — the Damsel of Dreadful Decisions.
When he who used to be known as ‘dead-end boyfriend’ was finally admitted to the maritime community, he excelled and was given multiple schools to attend. The king waited patiently. The Damsel of Dreadful Decisions cared for Baby Booger Nose, the king worked with his Allies to the north and all was well. Things had gone so well that the king decreed that the family would owe him nothing for the wing of the castle for the stay if they had saved a tidy sum of money.
So they did. They saved the money that he who used to be known as ‘dead-end boyfriend’ earned from the maritime community and all was well. The king rejoiced and the Dreadful Decision Brood rejoiced.
Then an evil rose above the lands. The king, busy with his purchase of his new lands and the needs of his allies did not see the evil. It radiated over his castle while he was away and then departed. It left no trace except that the Damsel of Dreadful Decisions was ready to perform another act to solidify her name.
She decided, along with he who was once known as ‘dead-end boyfriend,’ to add another child to the brood. More importantly, she decided to keep it secret from the king for months. Only in great sickness did she reveal the reasons for the extra care doctors gave her and why ‘suck it up’ was not an appropriate treatment.
The rejoicing had stopped.
It is said that the king shall not be affected. The brood will still leave to go live in the land of rain by the two year anniversary of the birth of Bay Blaire Booger nose.
The king keeps a sharp eye to the skies nowadays. He smells upon the wind and uses his magic to sense the coming of a great evil. But he fears the evil is gone because it completed its work.
Book Review – 250 Things you should know about writing
So, @chuckwendig says that if you like an author, review his work. Ergo, I will. I will also review this book on B&N also. Here is a review of 250 Things every author should know. Since it’s not a novel, its a writing help book — I will do this differently.
I just used two hyphens as punctuation in a review for a book about writing. Yes I did.
Why yes, I do need an editor. Why do you ask?
A little about me. I’m a grown up – a real one. I hold a job in a fortune 1000 company which is under a fortune 100 umbrella and I am not allowed to use either company name. I have been certified as a PMP since 2003 and I have a degree in mathematics.
I tell you those things to let you know I am not going to review the parts of the book that to me sound like; ‘be a grown up.’ If you have not finished a book, if you ‘aspire’ to write, if you think you can write and have the world come to you, if you still live at home, or you’re immature. You need this book.
That being said, I found this book incredibly useful and I am going to share the most notable nuggets from it without plagiarizing. I did use two quotes and they’re the only items in double quotations. I took them from the book being reviewed.
Without further ado, the section is listed first followed by the number of the item I am discussing.
Storytelling #9
This is a great piece of advice I’m going to keep referring to when I write. Chuck, can I call him Chuck?
No answer. Well, I will call him Chuck until otherwise told differently.
He tells us how the audience is rooting for the characters to be happy. The problem with that is a story of happy characters is a story that sucks. Stories are “Born from conflict and struggle, not merely from resolution.” I tend to be too easy on my characters. I need reminders to be mean.
A side note, I cannot use the word ‘merely’ without thinking about Robot Visions by Isaac Asimov…
Storytelling #12
Ugh. I hate unspecific advice even then there is a reason for it. “Rhythm and pacing are meaningful.” So is sunshine. Thanks for nothing. Maybe this is a pet peeve of mine and should exclude this section. I guess we will see.
Storytelling #13
Wow. Clear and succinct advice that is valuable not only to writing but also in life. Have you ever gotten into a conversation with a person who uses a gazillion digressions, tangents, or deviations? Ever wanted to strangle that person? Then, why do I write like this?
Storytelling #14
This is awesome advice. I have been in writers critique groups when one of the writers asks us to review a fantasy story that has this awful prologue about gods that do lots of things. Its all narrative and its…(I will quit bitching now). Anyway, the aspiring author always defends the prologue by saying, ‘nothing makes sense without it.’ This chunk of advice is the ammo to tell him to leave that ‘Big idea’ crap for his D&D game.
Character #14
Maybe this one should have its own list of twenty five. This law of threes idea sounds good. Unfortunately, I’m still looking at you with the trout face. I want to understand this rule of threes, I just don’t get it.
Character #24
Hey this is a good idea. Make a flash fiction or a short involving a character (or a flat supporting character) in order to get to know him better… hmmm…
Plot #18
So, I’m cruising along reading through the plot section. I’m saying yeh, yeh, ooh, yeh and we get to a problem. Tracking every beat? Really? Every beat as defined as every action? I comprehend the need to track beats where a character is going through his transition. But, actions like ‘he swept the leaves,’ ‘scooped them into the bag,’ ‘placed his staff against the merlon,’ when the purpose of the scene is to show how this dude is taking punishment for someone else? Could I get an explanation — and no I’m sick of the cop-out ‘take what works for you.’ If I’m not published, it hasn’t worked for me sweet cheeks!
Dialogue #9
Love this. This is a great piece of succinct advice I have never heard before. It’s also S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely). Really only SMA matters here, but that makes a lousy acronym. I will now add a check to look for warts on the nose. By the way, warts on the nose is a character exposition-ing himself.
Description #5
Actionable. I get the idea that Zelazny’s rule of three can be abused. But when you are lost at putting in description, having a rule of three to fall back on to get you over the hump is a godsend. On another note, if I could write like Roget Zelazny, I would cry like a little girl each night in thanks.
Description #9
Yep. Fantasy authors especially have issues with putting weather in regardless if it matters. My first attempts at novels had pages tracking weather patterns over my world. It did make my D&D games better as a result. My novels, they were cluttered.
Description #13
OHMIGOD. YES! This is a reader’s dirty little secret. I am not going to read that ugly font poem, your song of pussiness, or a page that contains no quotation marks. Therefore, I shall not write those things!
Description #24
I made an Indie movie, Contemporary Stranger. Unless you like home made movies about existential angst over technology’s role in our culture you did not see it. Once I made (wrote, produced, directed, sound, lighting, key grip, and a gazillion other things) the movie, people started liking my writing more than they ever had before and that gave me confidence to start writing again. Great piece of advice to cross between screenwriting and novel writing.
Sentence
Seriously, read the whole section. I reference Strunk and White regularly and I still suck.
There were others items that stood out at me, but I think I have a good enough selection of items in here for you to see how many of the 250 (275) things helped me. I believe the book can help you to and I hope I have shown that.
Final review is Beta Omega on a scale of A – 8. Recommended.
