Too Many Diversions

Hi,

I read a blog today that makes me want to comment on. Not because I think she is wrong, but because she did not go far enough. Stacy Kane wrote about the loser guys who complain about being in the friend zone

Edit – Stacey did not say that women did not complain.  My bad.  I took out the paragraph where I said that.

However, the point is the same. Any loser who does not tell the person they are with, why they are with them and expects them to pick up on ‘clues’ is the one doing the hurting. Don’t complain about being in the “friend zone” if you aren’t grown up to tell the other person you want to be lovers — male or female.

Now, where do I think her post stopped short? The post breakup “Let’s be friends.”

This is a cruel torment being put on someone who loved you when (s)he is at the most vulnerable.

There are three circumstances when this can happen.
1) Both people are in love with each other and things just aren’t working out. (Yes, Toto was correct about this, Love isn’t always on time.)
2) One person is in love and the other isn’t.
3) Neither person is in love anymore and they admit they should split up.

Let’s take #3 as they ride happily away on their unicorns. Let’s just say if you think you and your ex are still friends and you don’t love him/her, you are an asshole. (S)He still pines for you and just wants to make you happy. Have fun continuing to use them; jerk.

Now, let’s look at #1. It’s rare, but not impossible. You two can never be friends. One person is always going to be thinking about what could have been or could we give this another shot.

Every potential partner is going to be measured up against this person who is now on their best behavior. Neither person has a chance for happiness. But this isn’t a big issue. Most of these breakups are huge affairs with hurt feelings and broken items.

So, #2 — The other person still loves you and you don’t want to hurt him/her because you like him/her but aren’t adult enough to do what you need to do. So, you ask, “Can we still be friends?”
This person is the most hurt and confused since the two of you met. Your former lover is at his/her most vulnerable and grasping for straws. You think the best option for your selfishness is to avoid a fight and tell him/her that there are straws… and hell you can take the good part of the relationship without having to give anything in return! What could go wrong?

Women, you can get a guy who understands your baggage, can take you out to dinner when you’re lonely, open stuck jelly jars, and other tasks you hate all without sex or being emotionally there for him. You can take pleasure in describing guys you are dating to him asking for opinions while watching him turn into emotional jello.

Guys, you can have a stand in ‘date’ when you want it, not worry about your bodily functions anymore, get a comforting listener, get someone to help you with tasks you hate, and then describe the women you are dating now while watching your former lover compare herself to each one’s best points then become emotionally depressed.

Who cares if your former lover thinks things like;
“You never did that for me, but will for that loser?”
“I wanted to do that too, but you never wanted to do it with me.”

So, the moral of this post? If someone breaks up with you and wants to ‘still be friends’ not only did they not love you, they don’t even like you anymore and see you as an object for them to use.